G’day all, you know how we all want to engage and dialogue through the comments on our blogs? Well I think there are some sites where the battle has been lost, especially on major opinion/current affairs sites likes Australia’s ABC The Drum site.
Given the predictability and repetitiveness of the comments, I think the ABC and similar sites have to introduce comment buttons to save people from having to write their comments in full, a time consuming exercise which slows down moving on to other articles to write the same or similar comments. I’m not talking about the boring Like, Share or Tweet buttons. Here are some buttons I’d like to see:
The PLIB button – for Predictable Liberal comment, clicking this button indicates you despise the PM, endless consultation, inability to manage the economy, spin, unions and think Australia is turning to socialism
The PLAB button – for Predictable Labor comment, clicking this button indicates you despise the opposition leader, dictatorial leadership, constant negativity, lack of compassion for the disadvantaged, spin, big business and think Australia is becoming America
Note: There will be no PIND button for predictable independent comment because Australia’s independents are so completely unpredictable. There will be no PGREEN button as this would be a major health problem and not suitable for non-confidential publication.
The Bored Now button – to be used to express disdain for people who write opinion pieces on the same topic covering the same issue on a regular basis
The GOYHH button – for those pretentious opinion pieces where the despised opinions are held by “them” and only the author can fully appreciate the moral high ground, the Get Off Your High Horse button is a must
The Insert Joke Now button – for those authors who fail to comply with the most fundamental of Australian cultural rules and write way too seriously about their topic, with no lighthearted elements
The Remote Control button – to express that the author has been saying the same thing in multiple pieces beyond the point where “Bored Now” applies to the stage where we desperately need them to change the channel and prove they aren’t compulsive obsessive
The Icy Pole button – to be used when authors continually reference themselves, their own experiences, their previous posts, their predictions and generally give themselves a good licking
The Icy Pole + button – automatically activated when an author refers to themselves in the third person, something that Geoff would never do on Geoff’s Gobbledegook.
The I actually believe there is such a word as do-gooder button - for the commenters who know that the whole world is drowning in a sea of political correctness and the horrible notions of compassion for people and their circumstances
The I am a do-gooder button – for commenters who try to actively demonstrate their compassion, care and general all-round superiority to the rest of the community
The Older and Wiser button – for all those commenters who start their comments with various descriptions of how long they’ve been around on the planet, doing some particular job of work or voting in a particular way, which makes what they say indisputably correct
The OMG, WILL YOU PLEASE GET OVER IT, AND NO, WE’RE NOT TRYING TO SHUT YOU UP AS SOME SORT OF LEFTIST BOLSHIE OR FUNDAMENTALIST RIGHT CONSPIRACY, WE’RE ASKING YOU TO SHUT UP BECAUSE YOU ARE AS BORING AS A THREE DAY OLD GLASS OF WATER, YOU WRITE ATROCIOUSLY, YOUR FACTS ARE ABOUT AS ACCURATE AND BELIEVABLE AS AN EPISODE OF GILLIGAN’S ISLAND BUT NOT EVEN CLOSE TO AS FUNNY, YOU KEEP WRITING THE SAME OLD THING AND SOMEHOW MANAGE TO DRAG YOUR PET TOPIC IN AS THE CAUSE OF EVERY SINGLE LOCAL, NATIONAL AND GLOBAL EVENT DESPITE THE OBVIOUS INSANITY OF THINKING THAT EVERYTHING THAT EVER HAPPENS HAS ONE CAUSE, WE’VE GOT THE GENERAL IDEA AND RECKON WE’VE GOT OUR HEADS AROUND YOUR ARGUMENT, WE ALL THINK THERE’S MORE TO LIFE AND YOUR BILIOUS OPINIONS ARE GIVING US THE RIP ROARING HEEBIE JEEBIES button – this button should appear top and centre of every article, written on the button in full so it’s nice and big. Anybody who records more than 50% of all button-based comments through clicks on this button should be banned for a minimum of 3 months first offence, 12 months second offence and for life for a third offence.
Increasing reliance on buttons will also open up other opportunities. Perhaps every couple of months a competition can be run to vote one regular contributor off The Drum. Readers can vote through the buttons, but the final decision will be made by selected bloggers listed on the Australian Blog Hub (Twitter: @BlogHubOz). Social media monitors will be used to track any particularly efficient SM campaigns to remove a contributor with extra points given by the judges. Any disastrous campaign will be written up and properly dismantled and condemned on the PR Disasters blog site.
Waddyareckon? Which buttons have I missed and what other opportunities can we open up?
PS Waddyamean I should lead the way … but my site attracts truly engaging dialogue and debate … and anyway, my blog theme doesn’t have the available technology … Oh, just leave a damn comment or I’ll think up another button just for you.
PPS I only chose the ABC The Drum as an example, I could have chosen any one of a million examples. This was not intended to only be directed at The Drum contributors and readers, and I’m sure you know plenty of other sites that will benefit.